Lampreys suck!

Nature – Screw people who religiously like ‘natural’ things. Most of them wouldn’t know nature if it bit their faces off. Nature is always at war and it never signed the Geneva Convention. A good example are lampreys, who makes the average Lovecraftian Mythos creature look well adjusted.

Officially, lampreys are fish, but in fact, they’re just tubes with teeth, like autonomous tentacles with a Dracula complex. The name comes from admixture of Latin and Greek and means “stone lickers” (lambere: to lick, and petra: stone.) Now if they’d stick to bother stones there wouldn’t be much of a problem, but once you’re in the water, you too are food.

During the Middle Ages, they were widely eaten by the upper classes throughout Europe, especially during fasting periods, since their taste is much meatier than that of most true fish. King Henry I of England is said to have died from eating “a surfeit of lampreys.” Still, it’s probably the creepiest food you’ll ever eat.

If you want to swim safely, now the Michigan State University is trying to develop a lamprey repellant. It seems to be working. By using a “semiochemical mixture produced by the putrefying carcasses of sea lampreys” they can add the smell of dead lampreys to water, which freaks the horrors out, big time.

This is how panicing Sea Vampires look:

And this is how it looks filmed underwater: