Author Archives for

About the author: God of the Grove is a nihilistic, anarchistic parasite on society, hoping to bring down western civilisation through the dubious science of memetic engineering. Believing himself to be an independant “Mobile State” he strives to become a “post-human superman beyond co-dependant weaklings.” A life of overexposure to popular culture colored him a little strange, often speaking in movie quotes and comparing things to games.

Once upon a time: the HSV Non-Lethal Tetanizing Beam Weapon

General Questions:

  • What is the device called?
    • We have referred to it as either the “Non-Lethal Tetanizing Beam Weapon” or the “Anti-Personnel Beam Weapon,” The manufacturers are expected to assign their own brand names.

  • How does it work?
    • It immobilizes people and animals at a distance by tetanizing their skeletal muscles with a weak electrical current.

  • What is tetanization?
    • Tetanization is the stimulation of muscles at a rate high enough to keep them contracted. (Muscles normally relax between the neural or electrical pulses that cause them to contract.)

  • How long does it take to immobilize someone?
    • The effect occurs within a few milliseconds.

  • Is the size and strength of the affected person or animal important?
    • Physical size and strength are not factors except that a very large animal would probably have to be targeted with more than one beam. Being strong does not prevent or reduce the tetanizing effect.

  • Can a tetanized person give that effect to someone else?
    • Tetanization itself cannot be transmitted to other people. However, if each of the beams were touching different people who were in contact with each other, the electrical current could be conducted between them.

  • Wouldn’t it be difficult to move a tetanized person?
    • The effect lasts only a few seconds after the current stops, so the problem of moving an immobile person isn’t likely to occur.

  • Can this weapon work under water?
    • No. The electrical current would be dissipated by the water.

  • Would a person fall when he is tetanized?
    • He would fall only if he were out of balance, because he would have no control over his leg muscles. He would very probably not fall if he were in balance because his leg muscles would be rigid rather than limp.

  • Have you built a prototype?
    • The prototype is being developed for us by a laser manufacturer.

  • How big is it?
    • The prototype is about the size of a carry-on suitcase. In a few years the commercial units should be no larger than a flashlight.

  • Why can’t you make these things as small as a laser pointer?
    • We would if there were any commercially available lasers that emitted at least 50 watts of continuous far-ultraviolet radiation. Such a laser would be small enough, but none have been manufactured.

  • I collect rare weapons. May I buy one of yours?
    • There are no finished units available now and will not be for about two years. Then you should ask one of our licensed manufacturers rather than us, as we are exclusively a research corporation. Even then you could not purchase a functional weapon because they will be sold only to law enforcement and military organizations. However, in a few years you should be able to buy a design model.

  • Why just “immobilize” criminals and terrorists when bullets are cheap?
    • We want law enforcement officers and soldiers to have more options. Not all suspects are dangerous criminals or terrorists.

  • Will these weapons, however non-lethal, affect cardiac pacemakers?
    • We don’t think so, because cardiac pacemakers are well insulated. In addition, the manufacturers are required to perform extensive testing in this regard.

  • What if I wrapped myself in aluminum foil or something like that, would I be immune to being tetanized?
    • First, you would have to be very sure that you didn’t leave any skin uncovered, because the human body is as electrically conductive as a sack of salty water. The current would spread from an uncovered wrist, ankle, or neck to a very wide area. Second, you wouldn’t be protected from the bullets that would likely follow a police officer’s failure to stop you by a more harmless means.

  • Is tetanizing painful?
    • There is no pain whatsoever. In fact, when the rate of electrical pulses is properly adjusted, it is impossible to feel the tetanizing effect.

  • Can you make it painful?
    • Although it is not our intent to inflict pain, if the current were increased and the optimal pulse repetition rate were lowered to 2 or 3 pulses per second, the affected person would feel painful shocks.

  • Suppose a police officer held the beams on someone’s eyes for a long time. Would it hurt?
    • Aside from the fact that conducting the current through a person’s face would not immobilize him, prolonged exposure to the ultraviolet beams would be irritating. For more details please click on the paper “Ocular Safety“.

  • Could you make these weapons lethal?
    • We have no intention of doing so. They were created to save lives, not to take them. Perhaps one of the end-users would do this, but it would be without our knowledge or approval.

  • Would it be dangerous to point it at a storm cloud?
    • As would be true with any good conductor, it would be extremely dangerous to point this device toward a storm cloud.

  • Can I get a job making this ray gun?
    • If you apply to one of the manufacturing companies and are accepted by it.

  • May I participate in this project?
    • That depends upon what you mean by “participate.” If you mean to participate as a target subject, we will not be performing such experiments. If you mean to participate by investing, as a “C” corporation under California law we may not solicit investors. If you mean something else and would like further clarification, you may contact us at

  • From what I read in your patent, the current is not much different from what I get by combing my hair. So why does it “tetanize” anyone?
    • The very weak current we use is able to hold the major skeletal muscles contracted because it closely replicates the nerve impulses that control those muscles. That is, the combination of the pulse wave form, the pulse repetition rate, and the amperage is exactly designed to mimic the neural pulses nature uses to activate those muscles. Only the voltage is greater so that the current will penetrate clothing and skin.

  • Do the beams have to touch bare skin?
    • It isn’t necessary for the beams to touch the subject’s skin. Because of its high potential the current easily penetrates clothing.

  • Do the beams have to contact particular areas of the body?
    • No, because the current spreads throughout a very large area.

  • Is your stock sold OTC (Over The Counter)?
    • HSV Technologies is incorporated under the laws of the State of California as a “C” corporation. As such, we may accept unsolicited investments, but not solicit them. If you wish further information please send an e-mail inquiry to:

  • Could these weapons be used by criminals and terrorists?
    • These weapons could be used unlawfully, but there are several reasons why such use would be limited. First, the manufacturers will sell them only to law enforcement and military agencies. Second, they would have to be greatly modified to make them lethal. Third, the beams cannot penetrate metal like bullets. Fourth, they are considerably more expensive than firearms. Fifth, almost any lethal purpose for which they might be used could be accomplished as well by rifles or pistols. Sixth, their unlawful use would doubtless be severely prosecuted.

  • Could the beams of the Vehicle Disabling Weapon harm the passengers?
    • Not at all. Less than one percent of the ultraviolet radiation and none of the electrical current can penetrate window glass. Moreover, the beams are emitted for less than a millisecond, which is too brief to injure anyone they contact.


Technical Questions:



  • How far can you project the tetanizing effect?
    • With an ultraviolet wavelength of 193 nanometers, the maximum effective range is about 100 meters. The effective range increases to two kilometers when a wavelength of 248 nanometers and a more intense beam are used.

  • Why are only the skeletal muscles tetanized?
    • The skeletal muscles are held immobile because they are composed of striated or “stringy” muscle tissue. Striated muscle tissue is easily stimulated by electrical currents. On the other hand, heart muscle is affected only by significantly more powerful currents. Thus, this difference in sensitivity is a natural safety factor.

  • How do you get the electrical current to the target?
    • The electrical current is conducted through two channels of ionized air between the device and the target. The channels are created by two laser beams having a wavelength in the far-ultraviolet region, such as of 193 or 248 nanometers.

  • Why use two beams?
    • We use two beams because there would otherwise be no return path for the electrical current. One beam creates a conductive channel of ionized air to the target and the second beam ionizes another channel through which the current returns. In this way, the target becomes a part of the electrical circuit.

  • Are the beams visible?
    • Although the ultraviolet radiation itself cannot be seen, the beams are obvious. This is because oxygen molecules fluoresce green when they de-ionize. Moreover, an even brighter coaxial beam of visible light commonly will be used to designate the target.

  • Why doesn’t the current in the ionized channels jump to ground before it reaches the target?
    • The current cannot flow to ground because it is surrounded by a strong insulating material, air. Un-ionized air is an excellent electrical insulator (dielectric), as its breakdown potential is about 38,000 volts per centimeter. Also, the recombination time between the liberated electrons and their parent oxygen ions is measured in microseconds. Therefore, the electrons are able to travel only a few nanometers outside the ultraviolet beam before being absorbed, thus preventing the formation of any conductive paths to ground.

  • Your patent says that the current is only a few milliamps, so why does the voltage have to be so high?
    • There are two reasons for the very high potential (voltage). The first is to help ionize the air channels, and the second is to insure that the current penetrates the clothing of the target person.

  • How does photoionization make air electrically conductive?
    • Photoionization is the process by which particles or wave-packets of electromagnetic energy called photons, in this case ultraviolet photons, bombard and dislodge electrons from the molecules of oxygen they strike. The electrons are then free to move as a current whenever they are subjected to an electrical potential. (A flow of electrons is an electrical current.)

  • Why do you ionize the oxygen in air instead of the more common nitrogen?
    • Nitrogen is four times more common in air than oxygen, but is difficult to photoionize. Oxygen is easily ionized by photon bombardment, especially by far-ultraviolet radiation. For example, at a wavelength of 193 nanometers (nm) only two simultaneous photons are needed to dislodge an electron from a molecule of molecular oxygen (O2). By using 193 nm ultraviolet radiation we are able to create a channel of ionized, and therefore electrically conductive, air up to 100 meters (yards) long. For more details, please click on
      US Patent #5,675,103

  • Infrared lasers have been available for more than thirty years, so why not use them?
    • We would never use infrared lasers. It would be extremely dangerous to create the ionized air channels with them. This is because at least six simultaneous infrared photons are required to dislodge a single electron from an oxygen molecule. Infrared beams of such intensity would easily burn the skin and destroy the sight of any person or animal they struck.

  • How is the anti-vehicle weapon different from the tetanizing weapon?
    • The vehicle disabling weapon (VDW) differs from the tetanizing weapon in several ways. First, it uses only a single 500 microsecond pulse of high-frequency current to destroy the electronic controls of the target vehicle. It is able to do this because the integrated circuits in the controls are easily damaged by such currents. Second, the wavelength of the laser radiation emitted by the VDW is 248 rather than 193 nanometers (nm). Third, the range is approximately two kilometers. This range is achieved because the longer wavelength radiation is less rapidly absorbed. (At 248 nm, three simultaneous photons are needed to dislodge one electron from molecular oxygen. Therefore, a higher intensity must be emitted to create the same ionization density over the two-kilometer distance.) Fourth, it is larger and heavier because it may be carried in a vehicle rather than by hand. For more details, please click on Vehicle Disabling Weapon by HSV Technologies, Inc. (Adobe Acrobat required)

  • Does altitude affect the ionized channels?
    • The lower air density at higher altitudes increases the efficiency of the ionization process. To the point where the oxygen is too tenuous to be an adequate source of electrons, the liberated electrons have a longer mean free path in less dense air.

  • Could this technique be used to make a laser lightning rod?
    • Several types of laser lightning rods have already been designed. For further information, you may read on the internet the papers of Jean-Claude Diels and Bruno La Fontaine, among others.

  • Are the beams affected by atmospheric conditions?
    • Even the strongest wind is not a problem because the recombination time between the liberated electrons and their parent O2 ions is extremely rapid, on the order of microseconds (depending on the energy imparted to them). Therefore, the electrons are able to travel only a few nanometers outside the ultraviolet beam before being absorbed. The ionized channels thus remain straight and steady no matter how powerful the wind. On the other hand, heavy rain and fog are a major problem because the electron attachment rate to water vapor is quite high. However, it may be possible to overcome that difficulty by using a coaxial beam of infrared radiation to heat the supersaturated air.

Piraten zum Wahlkampf!

Berlin – Bring out the rum and wenches, as the old establishment is made to walk the plank during the Berlin State Elections, by the Pirate Party, keelhauling the Freie Demokratische Partei (Free Democratic Party,) a centre-right classical liberal political party in Germany. Pretty much on Talk Like A Pirate Day. Epic Win!

After the elections, FDP took the biggest hit: 13 seats where traded in favor of 15 seats for the pirates. This means that in the Berlin electorial district, one in eleven voters choose the high seas. Voters under the age of thirty even reached 21% – around one in five. This may bode well for pirates in other districts and countries.

The Pirate Party movement started in 2006 in Sweden, following the arrest of the founders of the Pirate Bay website. They fight for freedom and privacy, both on the ‘Net and IRL and the transparancy of state administration.They also seek to reform laws regarding copyright and patents.

„In unserem Programm ist das Bekenntnis zu Humanismus und zur Menschenwürde aller Menschen an erster Stelle verankert. Eine Differenzierung nach Geschlecht, Alter o.ä. lehnen wir ab.”
- Mein erster echter Wahlkampf

Other parties and groups were formed in Austria, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Ireland, the Netherlands, Poland, and Spain and the number is growing. At this moment, there are forty countries having a Pirate Party.

As part of their campaing, the Berlin division also started a War on Trolling. Or at least, they ask their visitors to “unnötiges Trollen oder Vor-dem-ersten-Kaffee-Kommentare zu verhindern.” Some suggest there is also a Ninja party, but, being Ninjas they’re very secretive and invisible.

Hells Angels and Satudarah Maluku say “Friendship is Magic!”

Amsterdam – Is a war brewing on the streets of Amsterdam? If you ask a Hells Angel or Satudarah (Indonesian for ‘First Blood’) the answer is no. They’re all just motorcycle enthousiasts. Still, things are brewing beneath the surface, and several Harley meetings where cancelled by local authorities in Gouda and Breda because of it. The MC’s have enough and decide to meet in Amsterdam.

There are several things going on behind the scenes though. Satudarah has been contacted by the Bandidos, another MC looking to expand into Dutch territory, and these are sworn enemies of the Hells Angels. Between the Angels and Bandidos there has been a bloody war in Scandinavia, with casualties on both sides. The attacks sometimes even involved the use of handgrenades.

The Angels are looking to stand their ground and wouldn’t like to see Satudarah ally with the Bandidos. The Hells Angels also seem to have some issues with ‘cultural differences’ as they don’t like the way Satudarah recruits, claiming that some Satudarah members don’t even know how to ride or even do not own a Harley.

Last year a Hells Angel was shot in Haarlem in what seems to be a drugs related incident. Notably, Satudarah members where welcomed in the Haarlem Hells Angels clubhouse, and they joined the funeral procession openly. Continue Reading »

Lampreys suck!

Nature – Screw people who religiously like ‘natural’ things. Most of them wouldn’t know nature if it bit their faces off. Nature is always at war and it never signed the Geneva Convention. A good example are lampreys, who makes the average Lovecraftian Mythos creature look well adjusted.

Officially, lampreys are fish, but in fact, they’re just tubes with teeth, like autonomous tentacles with a Dracula complex. The name comes from admixture of Latin and Greek and means “stone lickers” (lambere: to lick, and petra: stone.) Now if they’d stick to bother stones there wouldn’t be much of a problem, but once you’re in the water, you too are food.

During the Middle Ages, they were widely eaten by the upper classes throughout Europe, especially during fasting periods, since their taste is much meatier than that of most true fish. King Henry I of England is said to have died from eating “a surfeit of lampreys.” Still, it’s probably the creepiest food you’ll ever eat.

If you want to swim safely, now the Michigan State University is trying to develop a lamprey repellant. It seems to be working. By using a “semiochemical mixture produced by the putrefying carcasses of sea lampreys” they can add the smell of dead lampreys to water, which freaks the horrors out, big time.

This is how panicing Sea Vampires look:

Continue Reading »

Leaked Cable: McCain Promised Qaddafi some pipas.

Wikileaks – While we haven’t heard from Assange in a good while, with all those distracting skirmishes in the Middle East, there still some relevance in the leaks a while back. For example, on how McCain promised Qaddafi some weapons.

Even while right now there is a pissing contest, where John McCain, Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Grahamblame each other for not doing enough to democratize the hell out of Libya and for not doing enough to rid the world of Qaddafi, two years ago they where in Tripoli with the Brother Leader assuring him that they offered their friendship and lend him their axe. The leaked cable has some interesting factoids:

Lieberman called Libya an important ally in the war on terrorism, noting that common enemies sometimes make better friends.

Even though Qaddafi and the US wheren’t the bestest of friends, once the US made up found Weapons of Mass Deception Destruction in Iraq and they invaded tried to bring democracy there, they needed friends. Even if that meant bedding batshit crazy dictators and that such dictatorship and utter insanity might lead to some small obstacles that are fun and challenging:

Senator McCain assured Muatassim that the United States wanted to provide Libya with the equipment it needs for its TRIPOLI 00000677 002.2 OF 002 security. He stated that he understood Libya’s requests regarding the rehabilitation of its eight C130s (ref D) and pledged to see what he could do to move things forward in Congress. He encouraged Muatassim to keep in mind the long-term perspective of bilateral security engagement and to remember that small obstacles will emerge from time to time that can be overcome.

Continue Reading »

Death Row

Sometimes the world moves fast. Real fast. In 2010 some leaders joined in for the Arab African Summit, in Sirte, Libya. No doubt Qadhafi invited the most influential leaders of the area in his big tent. Time for one of those kodac moments. Smile to the camera and say “cheese” fellow dictators!

Remember some of those 80′s moving endings? Those that have a montage at the end, with a text telling us what happened to the characters? Let’s do something like that here. One year later, and the people pictured have far less to smile about.


So, what happened afterward? Look at the front row, from left to right we see:

  • Ben Ali, Tunesia – Who ran away and was tried in absense.
  • Saleh, Yemen – His compound was attacked and left him wounded. He is now in Saudi Arabia, trying to recover.
  • Qadhafi, Libya – Missing and hiding out somewhere, while still (probably) remaining overly optimistic.
  • Mubarak, Egypt – Probably the first to fall. Has been sentenced and faces the death penalty.

That was some epic party you had there, Moammar!

Nehmt gleich den Kugelschreiber und tritt mit mir in totale Federkrieg!

Before the Internet, there where penpals. One of these Kugelschreiberkriegerinnen is Angela Dorothea Merkel. ABBA Fan and chancellor of ze Germany, who was looking for penpals in Bravo Magazine, oh so many years ago.


Libya – One of the sons of Qadhafi, Mohammed, has escaped! Al-Jazeera mentions how he -with the help of Qadhafi supporters- has fled from his home where he was placed under house arrest .

Before, he had confirmed to the Arabic media that he was indeed held in his home. He promptly escaped into the Libyan underground, probably to survive as a soldier of fortune. At the very least, he’s missing now, just like his dad…

Meanwhile, Emperor Obama warned that “the battle is far from over” and that he would support the “New Libya.” Emphasizing that what Libya needs is democracy. And Coca Cola. McDonalds. Freedom!

Scientists say: We’re fucked if ET comes knocking

The Solar System – Even while the Fermi paradox states the universe is teeming with life (but somehow we can’t find any, paradoxally) the chances of anything coming from Mars is estimated a million to one. Which is a good thing. Because science says we’re fucked if it happens.

A bout of theorycrafting has resulted in a paper that says we’re likely screwed when extra-terrestrial entities come to earth.

We see two types of scenarios in which ETI might intentionally harm us.  The first scenario involves hostile, selfish ETI that attack us so as to maximize their own success.  This scenario suggests a standard fight-to-win conflict: a war of the worlds.  The second scenario involves ETI that are in no way selfish but instead follow some sort of universalist ethical framework.  ETI might attack us not out of selfishness but instead out of a universalist desire to make the galaxy a better place.

Surely humanity doesn’t suck that much to warrent extermination for the betterment and greater glory of the universe? Well, yes, we do. The universal definition of ‘intelligent life’ is ‘nuking humanity from orbit for the good of all.’ And can we blame them? We don’t have that good a trackrecord with other peoples and species, so when we extrapolate such behavour to ET’s:

The astronomers and others hope that the extraterrestrials, delighted to discover fellow intelligent beings, will sit down for a friendly chat. Perhaps the astronomers are right; that’s the best-case scenario. A less pleasant prospect is that the extraterrestrials might behave the way we intelligent beings have behaved whenever we have discovered other previously unknown intelligent beings on earth, like unfamiliar humans or chimpanzees and gorillas.

Just as we did to those beings, the extraterrestrials might proceed to kill, infect, dissect, conquer, displace or enslave us, stuff us as specimens for their museums or pickle our skulls and use us for medical research.

So, it’s a good thing space is really big and empty. Even when, say, 1% of all planets has inteligent life, the nearest planet would be hundreds of lightyears away. Also, there isn’t really a reason to go here, except for tracing back those signals we are sending into space. Hellooooo! We’re here! Please come wipe us out!

No moar Moammar

Tripoli – After forty years, the reign of Moammar Mohammed al-Qadhafi seems to be at it’s end. Qadhafi is on the run, his sons are arrested and the rebel forces are mopping up all that remains of his forces.

As far as insane dictators go, he’s one of the most insane dictator of them all and well known and respected in insane dictator circles.

He opposed both capitalism and communism and invented ‘Arabian Socialism,’ a political philosophy for which he wrote the Green Book, one-upping Mao and his red book.

This book consists of three parts:

  •     The Solution of the Problem of Democracy: ‘The Authority of the People’ (published in late 1975)
  •     The Solution of the Economic Problem: ‘Socialism’ (published in early 1977)
  •     The Social Basis of the Third International Theory (published in September 1981)

The Green Book rejects modern liberal democracy, “free press”, and capitalism. Democracy in Libya is based on direct democracy in the form of popular committees. (However this system is limited in practice by the fact that Gadaffi himself appoints a cabinet and departmental ministers, and the influence of unelected revolutionary committees throughout the government.) Freedom of speech is based on state ownership of book publishers, newspapers, television and radio stations, on the grounds that private ownership would be undemocratic. (At least one observer has called the resulting media “dull” and lacking in a “clash” of ideas.) Libya’s economic system is based on the premise that all employees must be “partners not wage-workers”, and forbids paying employees a wage in return for labor.

Two there should be; no more, no less. One to embody power, the other to crave it.

He is also notably famous for his role in the Lockerbie bombing, almost killing Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. Now he is busy writing the fourth installment on the Green Book, called “Running and Hiding.”